How the word ‘Compassionate’ challenges our thinking on Leadership

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Compassion, Leadership

Compassionate Leadership

The Conscious Cafe Skipton community gathered in October with Emma Slade

Compassion and Leadership:  Bringing these two words and concepts together seems to trigger raised eyebrows. Do many of us fall into the trap of thinking like our speaker Emma Slade confided, that compassion is not a natural companion for leadership?  Perhaps we have seen so many examples of isolated, assertive, alpha male leadership that we just think that it is the norm? A complex discussion was opened up …..

A Journey through Compassion

In October we welcomed international yogi, teacher and author Emma Slade to take us on a journey through compassion, from her Buddhist perspective, and to explore nits potential for supporting leadership roles today. Emma joined our monthly Conscious Cafe Skipton at Avalon Wellbeing the evening before delivering a weekend retreat programme.  Since being ordained as a Buddhist nun, the first western woman to achieve this, she is also known as Ani Pema Deki. She has an incredible story to tell and this is most fruitfully discovered by reading her book ‘Set Free: A Life-Changing Journey From Banking to Buddhism in Bhutan’. She is also CEO of the charity “Opening Your Heart to Bhutan” which she founded to focus on helping children in need in the Himalayan kingdom.

Firstly – what is Compassion?  “Compassion is a mental state endowed with a sense of concern for others and the wish to see that suffering relieved.” This is the Buddhist interpretation. There are three motivations for Compassion:

• Cognitive – ‘I understand with you.’
• Affective – ‘I feel for you.’
• Motivational – ‘I want to help you.’

These motivations, or wishes, will potentially lead to a shift from simply ‘Me’ to ‘Me and You’ which becomes an understanding of ‘US and notions of WE.’  This shift to a more inclusive, collective thinking is perhaps the biggest challenge to our traditional thinking about what a leader is. 

What do we think the role of a leader is?  Emma asked us to consider this question in our Cafe discussion groups and to start with these possible categorisations:

1. To lead by example?
2. To give us wisest guidance – to tell us what to do?
3. To bring out the best in each individual?
4. To inspire others around a shared vision?

Have we ever considered leadership in the ‘We’ inclusive form?  

Emma said that the Buddhist texts contain only a few references to leadership and mostly in the context of letters to leaders like the King. They mainly focus on the pressure leaders have with a great deal of power and telling people what to do with their “wisest guidance”. 

The seeds of a Compassionate leader can be seen here in the concept of Level 5 Leadership:  Celebrated business author Jim Collins gives us a good insight into a different kind of leadership that is successful. He looked at why some companies go from good to great and the role of leaders in making that happen. Those instrumental in taking their companies to ‘greatness’ were known in Jim Collins’ book “Good to Great” as ‘Level 5 Leaders’ . He said these individuals were able to mix two apparently conflicting qualities; great ambition and personal humility. Their ambition was less personal for the SELF and more for the enterprise.  While Level 5 leaders can come in many personality packages, they are often self-effacing, quiet, reserved, and even shy. Every good-to-great transition in Collins’ research began with a Level 5 leader who motivated the enterprise more with inspired standards than inspiring personality.  Perhaps in this business language we begin to find the seeds of the Compassionate Leader.

How to develop these two qualities?  From the Buddhist point of view, whenever we talk about the conscious development of anything, we talk about the Root (or the ground), then the Path and followed by the Result.  These three levels of development provide a good structure for thought about anything, including our leadership conversation. 

• More than being nice. The study of Compassion has been very much part of Emma Slade’s journey and personal development. She says people can be quite fuzzy about it not realising that it is something that can be developed.  It is much more than just being “nice”. From a Buddhist point of view it has a very rigorous training. It starts from having a Bodhisattva intention, that is the idea of shifting ultimately from ‘me’ orientated to being connected and ‘we’ orientated. It is an essential shift in thinking. Even when thinking thoughts of peacefulness and calmness, if you are just thinking them for yourself it is not really being compassionate.  That is not going to take you from good to great.  

• “Who am I doing this for?” You always start any practice thinking about this question. The notion of shifting from me-to-we is always going to be in the Root of it. Once you have shifted your thinking from me-to-we then then how big is We? It’s limitless so it is termed immeasurable. Therefore, in order to respond to that immeasurable number of beings, the mind needs to have an immeasurable quality. That is sensible and appropriate.  The first quality to develop is Loving Kindness which means care and love for other beings.  Once you care and love other beings then of course compassion will follow so it is easier. If you love someone you do not wish them to suffer.

• Love is the Root, the immeasurable basis. From that compassion will naturally arise, you will not need to have to force it. 

• The need to be impartial. To start with the idea of immeasurable beings, we do have to develop a mind of impartiality and usually all of our human emotions are highly partial. We do tend to treat people differently when we feel that some people are more deserving of our love than others. 

• An impartial attitude of loving kindness must be developed, and to do that it is important to recollect the kindness that has been given to us by so many other sentient beings… and particularly in the Buddhist text the usual example is that of the Mother (or main care-giver). The detailed and practical example given of the Mother cites care that is given with some degree of hardship. That loving care required the Mother to have determination, patience and huge dedication of energy and time. All parents will understand this archetypal energy. Hardship is invariably experienced when dedicated care is given, even when this means things like lack of sleep.

• Expansion of limits. To understand compassion more deeply, we are invited to consider how the Mother was able to expand her own limits to give, and continue giving, when it is difficult. Feeding a child before one feeds oneself is a very practical demonstration of compassion.  In Buddhist terms, we are encouraged to see and treat all beings as if they have been our Mother.   The Buddhist teaching is literal but we can imagine how to apply the metaphor.

• Understand the Causes. Looking at the Root, the Path and Result, in Compassion practice, one wishes others to be free from suffering AND its causes because it is as important to examine what causes suffering as it is to want to relieve the suffering itself. When we more deeply understand the sufferer and the cause of the suffering, our response can be more appropriate. 

• Use the Power of Mother Love. The meditation practices for this are highly practical and visual examples of situations where your concern for your own mother would naturally arise. Based on the understanding that the love your mother has shown you, looking at that in very practical ways, understanding that she might be tired and needing support when she can no longer walk or she herself is in pain .. so the texts describe how you can step in to save the suffering of your mother. 

• The practice of compassion is seen to be perfected when one has done these two things: 
• Fully purified yourself from self-clinging  
• From the depths of one’s mind (our most inner mind) one desires all beings to be free from suffering.

The Buddha of Compassion: The visual expression of this perfected compassion is seen in the mind of Chenrezig, the most revered of all Bodhisattva, embodying the Buddha of Compassion. The image of him is depicted as having a thousand arms which is an attempt to show the mind of compassion as being unlimited and immeasurable. The multiple arms help to relieve the many who suffer and the causes of suffering. The palms of the hands have an eye which shows an ability to see, and not turning away, being able to respond. The face is very calm showing that the mind is very stable. Even though this entity is in the midst of profound suffering, the mind is still calm. This image is used frequently in meditation to help provide a tangible focus for developing greater compassion. 

The gathering divided into small groups for discussion then shared feedback 

Feedback on groups discussing Compassionate Leadership:  “Enormous”, “tricky” and “daunting subject”. Most groups found the subject to be huge, getting bigger the more it was discussed.  In a nutshell, it seems to be complicated and triggers many deeper and wide-ranging conversations. 

Different types of Leadership:  Looking around, leadership is not just happening at work in our organisations.  The church, for example, is full of leadership levels and ultimately, the Pope, has recently set an example of true compassion by shifting the Catholic Church from denial that paedophiles were among the ranks, to advocating an acceptance of the truth and a desire for the family of the church to move forward. Family life is led by parents who guide their children with their values.  Good leadership in family life is crucial for the next generation.

Leading by Example:  We are familiar with the old adage that you should “do as you would be done by”. And yet, treating others as we would wish to be treated carries an assumption that what is right for us, is also right for others. A Compassionate leadership approach would also involve empathy and a listening for what is really needed in each situation .. not necessarily what we ‘think” is needed. Our responses will be most appropriate if we take the time to truly understand others and their particular needs.

Compassionate Leaders are Rare:  Compassionate does not seem to be a normal or usual description of a leader. Some people gave examples of their surprise when they came across individuals for whom they had worked whose actions displayed compassion.  

What is a Compassionate Leader?  Compassion is not seen as a management competency, rather, it is a human skill that good leadership benefits from.

A number of traits and values were identified as being part of a profile for Compassionate leaders we have known:

• Honesty is key
• Authentic
• Humility
• Have integrity
• They work for the highest good
• Treat people with equal respect
• Is able to have courage to acknowledge their own mistakes
• They take responsibility, not blaming others
• A person who has the courage to express their core values while at work

Techniques for Embedding Compassion:  Knowing your people. This seems to be a key aspect of being a Compassionate leader. How to do this? Making it your business to know your people is a start … being interested in them and valuing the knowledge you have about them. Informal listening as well as formal conversations helps. Making sure people feel heard by deep listening is important. Taking time to start formal meetings with a “Check-in’ allows people the time and space to share what is going on for them. If everyone has the chance to share it helps to build a sense of loving kindness into the culture.

Compassionate Leadership is also about Tough Love:  It is not about being kind and nice to everyone. Tough decisions have to be made so it is not about softness. There are times when individuals have to be let go from a business, perhaps where they are causing disruption and making others suffer. It was acknowledged that such individuals would be helped but at the bottom line, sometimes it can be more compassionate to removed a person from a job and let them go. Tough love is about caring for somebody enough to help them see the truth.

Compassionate Economics:  When we look at our modern economy based on people being seen as consumers, and goods being produced as cheaply as possible, somewhere in the supply chain, it is likely that there is suffering. Cheap labour can have a high price that the end consumer does not necessarily pay. If we are to create a more compassionate world then it is important to look at what is hidden in our current notion of supply and demand economics. Creating change in this deeply embedded system requires individual acts of courage to ensure everyone is treated with respect. Anyone who steps forward to create change here, would be seen as a Compassionate Leader.

What happens when the Culture is not Compassionate?  Again, few organisations seems to be worthy of the description of being compassionate. In the average office, compassion is not necessarily part of the culture even when the organisation is non-profit. Very often it is not safe for a person to be their authentic self. In these circumstances, it can be even more difficult for an individual to go against the grain and be a Compassionate leader. It takes courage to make a stand and be authentic. Cultures don’t change without a struggle. Today, more and more millennials and young people are looking to work for organisations that do show compassion and allow authentic expression.

What does it take to be Compassionate?  Fully understanding the Buddhist perspective on being compassionate, we can see that it is important to really look and see the reality of the suffering that is happening around us and in the world.  Where do you decide to put your compassion on a daily basis so that you do not feel in overwhelm? Who do you support .. how do you handle moral dilemmas? It is easy to be kind and make someone a cup of tea but when circumstances get really difficult that is when we are really testing and trying helps us. We have to look and see what is happening in our own minds. The Root, the starting point, must be stable to provide a firm foundation for our subsequent response and action. We cannot be wavering in our response to suffering. You can indeed transform your capacity to be compassionate with mind training such as is advocated by the Buddhist teachings.

In summary .. it seems that we are seeing the beginning of change in our leaders and leadership styles. Having a deeper understanding of what compassion actually is, through this Buddhist thinking, and how it can be developed in uses enormously helpful. Starting with daily acts of Loving Kindness, we can bring Compassionate Leadership to our roles.

Conscious Cafe Host Gina Lazenby with Emma Slade (Ani Pema Deki) and Lisa Milnor who organised the weekend retreat

Emma signs copies of her book Set Free

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Why make life harder when all you need to do is ask for help?!

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#AndyLopata, #AskforHelp, #JustAsk, #networking, ginalazenby, Lady Val Network

Andy Lopata is a leading networking strategist. He has written four books on networking and often been quoted in the media, including The Sunday Times, The Financial Times and Inc. In fact, the FT called Andy ‘one of Europe’s leading business networking strategists’ and both Forbes.com and The Independent called him ‘a true master of networking’.

Workshop leader Andy Lopata with Lady Val at her Professional Women’s Lunch

Andy opened his afternoon workshop at Lady Val’s Professional Women’s lunch with a plea for us to “please stop lying!.”  He explained that we are doing this every single day when we respond to the questions: 

“How are you?” … “How’s work?”  with … “I’m fine”. 

He says this is a bad habit when often we are not fine and actually could do with some help! The problem is, so few of us are open to letting people in to help us.

Andy has developed a passion to help people open up

A member of the PSA (Professional Speakers’ Association), Andy recalled being at a PSA event in Reading, at a time while his business was struggling. The speaker asked a simple question. What is the status of your business?  Is it Growing, Scaling, Stable, or in Decline? Andy realised that even in the company of his own tribe, his closest community, he was not able to be honest. Nobody was able to acknowledge whether their business was in trouble and in need of help. And the room was full of people who could help.

Andy is seeing this as a big trend. People are beginning to realise that they need to start being open and vulnerable instead of feeling the need to look good and strong to those around them. Nobody wants to look weak or feel a failure and yet our inability to be honest and ask for help can really hold us back. Of course it is natural to want to look good and strong to our peers. 

Instead, finding a way to open up to the all the resources that are around us, inside the contacts the we already have, will help us move forward.  Stop worrying about how you look, be honest with yourself and ask for help. Then you can tap into the resources that are in the room at whatever network or community event you are attending.  We are always surrounded by answers. Just let them in by asking for help.

Andy tested the workshop audience. He came up with two common challenges that affect people in business and asked if we are facing these right now (hold up a red card); or if we have faced the challenge in the past but overcome it (hold up a green card); and if we have faced it in the past, overcome it but the challenge has come back (hold up both cards). 

1 Time Management .. look round and see who is holding up a green card and could help you? If they have a red card then you know you have much to share with a common problem. 

2  Courage of your convictions…. confidence to speak out about your beliefs? 

It is our networks that are vital to us for support

When we look around and see who has the same challenge as us, and notice who has overcome that challenge, it creates a bridge for sharing and having honest and open conversations that could be transformative to our life and business.

Andy’s experience and insights have been channeled into a book coming out next year called “Just Ask”.  He interviewed a wide range of people all over world, in business, music industry,  politics … and gathered helpful insights  and true stories where people overcame their blocks to reach out for transformative help.  He said it was interesting discussing with UK politicians James Cleverly and Jo Swinson if we could allow our politicians to be wrong?

Let others in so they can make a difference in our lives

What beliefs do we have from our upbringing or life experience that stop us from reaching out for help or support? Andy has a strong background in networking and he wants to encourage us to let in colleagues and friends from our trusted networks to become resourceful allies to help us overcome problems. Don’t think that you have to face everything alone. Somebody, somewhere has experienced the same as you have and has overcome it .. in fact you might actually find that most people have had the same experience.

Do men find it more difficult than women to ask for help?

So much of this is tied to cultural difference. That is probably the case in very patriarchal societies or macho, male-dominated work places.  Yes women are more used to asking, and also to supporting each other. Men can seem to prefer to find solutions by themselves. At the core, this is a human need and will be expressed differently according to the influence of culture and what is held to be appropriate. In Hillary Clinton’s last book she revealed that she had a close inner circle of trusted female friends and colleagues to whom she would open up.  That is something we all need. Andy’s research reveals that women have circles of trust that includes both men and women. The safer the space that we can create, the more we feel we can trust and reach out. Women have had support communities for years and now men are finding this is now available to them with an increase in the number of men’s groups.

 

The Vulnerability Wheel ..

This is a tool that helps you to make an assessment for different areas of your life and work. That leads to an action plan (overleaf) in terms of you as an individual, your organisation and you as a leader. (Link to download this Wheel here Andy Lopata Rules of Asking. ).

 

 

Mastermind groups are vital

Finding a group of colleagues to work with, with whatever connection seems appropriate (for example same industry or location, same chapter or club members, graduates of a programme) is so helpful. This group can evolve over time into a really safe space to share our deepest fears and get valuable input for moving forward. It is almost impossible to lie in such an intimate group and candour is always rewarded. If you are not already in such a group it is worth finding one or even creating one.

Can we be honest at work?

Not every corporate culture is predisposed to openness and honesty, unfortunately. And even where this culture of open sharing does exist, the business can go through cycles where fear takes over. If employees sense that their leaders are holding back about the future of the company, it can really create an atmosphere of fear and distrust. If this goes on too long, it can be highly toxic and drive people out. Transparency, with agreed boundaries, is vital for a healthy office culture. We all need to feel safety at work to express ourselves and trust the company’s vision and direction (perhaps that is a new dimension to add to what can sometimes seem an old bugbear ‘Health & Safety’!).

What about honesty in Leaders?

Leaders have to be authentic. In times of difficulty and massive change, such as many companies and organisations are facing now with the uncertainty of Brexit looming, no single individual can hold a mandate to make change by themselves. They have to unburden, unload and share or they will simply burn out. Leaders have to give confidence and they do this by being truthful and authentic, not by trying to be positive.  

Leadership and vulnerability

There is a fine line in authentic leadership of presenting capability and confidence, and honesty about the real situation. Each person has to find their own natural path to being friendly and connected to their team, while still commanding respect. You need both modalities not just one. It really is OK not to have all the answers. The important thing is be on the quest for solutions and involve others in this. 

Easier to support others!

Just like advice is easier to give than to receive … many of us can find it easier to offer help than accept it. Get over that! As Andy says “Just ask!” Check out this handout from Andy Andy Lopata Rules of Asking

Andy Lopata is an author, speak and professional networking strategist

Connect with him on LinkedIn

Lady Val’s Next Lunch event in London is on Thursday 28th November

The Power of Megatrends

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#helenwebb, #LadyValNetwork, #megatrends, ginalazenby

Guest speaker Helen Webb, Lady Val Corbett, workshop facilitator Andy Lopata

Today’s speaker at Lady Val Corbett’s Network Lunch in London was Helen Webb and she gave us a great deal of food for thought with her explanation about the far reaching power of the Megatrend .. that’s something a bit more stealthy and world-changing than a simple trend or fashion fad.

Power of Storytelling

Lady Val manages to book some really excellent speakers for her lunches and it’s always fascinating as a speaker myself to see how they approach a presentation. Helen started hers with a story which is both a successful and engaging technique for winning over an audience and also gave her the opportunity to draw our attention to the power of Storytelling as a key trend in communication today. How much do you use this in your own business? Could you use it more? Helen recounted how Lady Val had approached her by email asking her to be a speaker but how her initial response was to think the email was a scam and she resisted opening the attachment. She invited Lady Val to call her .. if she was a real person .. which indeed she is as Helen found out the next day when Val made the call!

Another key trend Helen says is loss of trust!  Gone are the days when we simply trusted people with, and in, power. Lies and half-truths have been relentlessly exposed so now we are much more cautious. That’s why building up your contacts and connections inside a trusted community like Val’s network is really useful. And yes .. it is wise NOT to open attachments unless you are CERTAIN you know the sender .. and even then, maybe not!!  🙂  

Using your Superpower

We all have our superpowers and it is immensely helpful when you are fully aware of what that they are for you. Clearly, Helen’s superpowers include Strategy, Problem-Solving and Vision in her own consultancy and as a non-exec director.  She was the UK MD of lastminute.com, a hugely disrupting influence in the travel industry that everyone must be aware of. It was a real game-changing business. Among the interesting things she has done, she has written a photography book with the beautiful title, Shoot The Baby, and as part of her passion for history and old buildings, has renovated a Tudor house and now sits on the board of the Landmark Trust. If you want to explore travelling to REALLY interesting places that are usually well off the popular map .. then check out their website.

Preparing a 20th century business into the 21st century

It seems that again we have an example of something that is not “too big to fail”. The veteran British travel company, originator of that oh-so-familiar package holiday, and dating back to the 1840s,  went bankrupt a few days before. Reflecting on that we can see that it was very much a success in the last century but the leaders in that organisation failed to see, or adapt to, the fast-changing conditions of this new millennium. Here is a new word for you .. disintermediation .. which basically means taking out the middleman and of course if this is happening to you, like Thomas Cook, then you are going to have to find a new role in the marketplace. Today, thanks to the leaps of ecommerce and digital technology, we can book virtually anything direct or via a platform that is not a physical shop with an agent.

Defining a Megatrend

Helen called this a “pattern of activity which has a major impact on people, business, the broader economy and our society over the long term”. When it is a MEGA trend, its effect is far-reaching, and relentless and stealthy in its growth over time. Think of the ageing time bomb we have known about for several decades as our society has got much older while we are all able to live longer. Fads can gain popularity quickly and while a trend lasts longer, the megatrends grow and develop over many years and are extremely hard, or impossible, to reverse.

Video is a big Megatrend

We have all witnessed the growth of Youtube .. but did you quite realise that it is the second most visited website in the world now with over 5 billion videos watched every single day?!  Do you have a presence on Youtube? Are you publishing something as written copy that could alternatively, or in addition, be broadcast as a video?  It’s the millennials who are driving this visual culture and I find it is helpful in a room full of older folks planning something, to get a ‘younger perspective’ .. and they will often say .. “why don’t you do that as a video?”!  We don’t always see the possibilities and can have a video blindspot.  Helen recommends checking out Fiverr, a platform for creative work that is done by suppliers, based all over the world … another example of industry-changing globalisation and tech enabling us to access talent anywhere!

The Sharing economy will continue to grow

I just about got my head round this when I put my London home on to the newly discovered  Airbnb website back in 2014. I was not sure what it was at the time but it felt like an interesting idea to join. Since then there has been an explosion of opportunities for us to leverage our unused resources .. be they bedrooms, cars, private planes .. anything that can be added to an online ecommerce resource platform.  All this provides opportunities for the Gig economy where people can work with relative freedom and create their own jobs. One of the best known is Uber where you use your own car as a taxi and are linked to potential riders via the massively expanding cloud technology. 

The shock waves have a long reach with a Megatrend

Uber is also part of the quest to bring driverless cars to the market. We have been reading about this for a while but now the possibility of it become a norm is literally round the corner. Helen says, according to Forbes, the estimate is that 10 million self-driving cars will be on the road by 2020 (that’s next year!) with one in 4 cars being self-driving by 2030. We all tend to think about how that will affect us but Helen’s says that when a megatrend like that hits, it has a very long reach affecting, for example:

• car manufacturers
• car insurance
• car repair and accident & emergency departments with potentially less repairs
• employment of truck drivers and HGVs
• tyre manufacturers
• taxi companies
• parcel delivery
• public transport
• car parks and parking revenue
• disabled and senior mobility
• alcohol sales
• the military
• ..  it’s an endless list of potential challenges and opportunities and goes to prove that the knock-on effect of change may catch us unawares if we are not vigilant.

Climate Change is one of the biggest game-changers

The latest IPCC report published this week asserts that global warming is happening faster than was previously forecast. Helen drew our attention to the fact that as much as 1% of global GDP could be spent on climate change consequences by mid century 2050. So many smaller trends sit under this big one and we are all familiar with the shift to a greener economy, the need to be more sustainable, and the rise in more conscious and ethical consumerism. How will that affect your business? Perhaps you, like the recent LinkedIn adverts on the London underground, will highlight the social purpose behind your business or work. The simple drive for growth and profit is losing its appeal, especially with the younger generation. Purpose in business has power.

When Kodak lost their moment

Helen said that this was a company which had very visionary thinking. They could see the future was digital for photography way back in the 1970s.. and yet …. they lacked the courage to act. They buried their new idea and then as the technological decades moved forward, they got overtaken by faster and more agile companies, sadly going out of business in 2012.

In the Q&A Helen was asked “Where do I start?”

Her advice: “Bring fresh thinking into your organisation to help you spot new opportunities. If you don’t want to go as far as a consultant, then talk to the youngest person in your organisation and listen to their ideas of how you might prepare for the future.

Keeping up to date

Gina Lazenby discussing the speaker Helen Webb’s recommended book choices 🙂

I think one clear message that came from listening to Helen is that we need to do our research and keep informed. Buy the books on trends, keep reading and asking questions about where the future is moving (the Financial Times Weekend is a great read for this) and determine what role is there for you and your business. You need to stay ahead of the game to maintain your agility and resilience. 

Thinking back to Kodak, even with their insights to the future, you have to have the courage to act. And indeed it can take immense courage to make adjustments with perhaps short term inconveniences and losses, in order to better ride a wave that is gathering huge momentum. Taking advice from those who are adept at reading the signs is often a wise move.  Helen Webb has a strategy consulting business and can be reached via her website or Linkedin profile.

 

Helen’s recommendations on books to read

It’s always good to note what a trend watcher is an advocate for. Two books she mentioned:

“Let my people go surfing” – Key insights from the book

 

One minute book review of this book on Youtube

Lord Robin Corbett of Castle Vale: A Life Well Lived

The Robin Corbett Award

A wonderful story of living by purpose, contribution, making an impact and leaving a legacy.

For more info on future events hosted by Lady Val Corbett